I am at a loss...

Loss for what, I am not sure. I am just feeling loss. Certainly not for words, I have lots of those. It all started with the following email conversation; (order of conversation bottom to top)

From: "Jessica"
Date: Dec 10, 2010 6:54 PM
Subject: Re: RE: Question
To: "BOSS"
I understand that me being out has been a strain on the office, but I do not understand not being told that if I did not come back sooner there would be a chance of me not having a job.

On Dec 10, 2010 6:08 PM, "BOSS" wrote:
Jessica,

I wanted to communicate with you regarding your return to the office. After
your last email I determined that I couldn't go 12 weeks without help in the
front. The last 8 weeks has been difficult and we have tried the best that
we could to cover the front office. I could not keep it going without
getting more help. I hired a new girl today and the plans are that she will
continue with us long term.

I would like for you to come and talk to me in January to see if we still
have additional needs but as of right now I had to get additional help.

Blessings,

BOSS



From: Jessica
Sent: Tuesday, December 07, 2010 11:57 AM
To: BOSS
Subject: Re: Question



Sorry for not replying sooner. I still plan on coming back at the 1st of the
year, Monday Jan 3rd.

On Dec 6, 2010 4:48 PM, "BOSS" wrote:
Jessica,

I wanted to touch base with you in regards to coming back to work. When
you left on October 14th for bed rest we never really qualified what plans
where or if there were any changes to you retuning. I just wanted to open
dialogue as to what your plans are.


Blessings,

BOSS

So what I got out of that is I am unemployed. I am a new mom struggling financially just to be able to take maternity leave to bond with my baby, and now I am UNEMPLOYED!!! And that's not the part that bothers me most.... I am just so shocked and hurt that my boss would do this to me. This is a man who's mission statement starts with "To steadfastly operate by biblical principals". I can not find anything biblical about this. I have worked for this man for the last year and a half, only getting sick once, promised full time never getting it, not complaining when my hours were cut, constantly being told I was not doing good enough (unrealistic expectations), and ever striving to meet those expectations. It just pisses me off too no end. I told him I was pregnant as soon as I knew, so he had at least 8 months notice. I never missed a single day of work while pregnant until I was put on bed rest.
So you would think there must be something I can do right? Nope!!! In my stupid employee handbook you have to meet the following in order to take FMLA;

Worked the last 12 months...Check!
Worked at least 1250 hours in the last 12 months...Check!
Be employed at a location that has 10 employees in a 75 mile radius... F*@K!!!

I knew this when I took my leave, but I never dreamed my boss "The Amazing God Fearing Man" would do this. So now here I sit at 1AM, while my baby has been sleeping since 10. I can't sleep, I can't stop thinking long enough to sleep. I feel like a failure ( I know its not my fault) I feel like a bad mother that can't provide for my child. I want to know where I am supposed to find another job I can walk to, and come home to feed my baby during lunch. What job will let me pump every two hours???

I know I will figure it all out, but I really needed to vent! So now that I have done that, I am off to pump.

1 Month Old December 6th 2010

2 Weeks old

November 7th 2010, Heading to the hospital!

A post to Grayson...

Mommy and Daddy got up early and tried to make sure the house was clean, and everything was ready for when we brought you home. Mom-Mom was going to come over while we were at the hospital and make sure everything was extra clean for you. Mommy packed bags for me and you. Yours was filled with all my favorite outfits, your baby book, blankets, and anything else I thought I might need to make you happy. Daddy loaded the car, and we left the house a 2:30 so Mommy and Daddy could have one last meal while you were still in my tummy. We ate at Don Ponchos (one of Daddy's favorite places) then it was time to head to the hospital. When we got there I had to register, which seemed to take forever! Then I was assigned to the room where I would deliver you. Room 3212. Your Aunt Cece was the 1st person to come to visit in the hospital. She came around 7, and stay a good while to keep me company while I waited for you. I was put on medicine that was supposed to help you come out faster, but it would still be a while before you actually came. The nurse gave me a sleeping pill to put me to sleep since I was way to excited to sleep all by myself. So off to sleep I went...